Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Two Years Passed (November 15th, 2007)

It's funny how days just pass by so quickly and your so involved in what your doing and your thoughts always seem to wander aimlessly in their own direction sometimes. Days fly by, kids grow an inch or two, you find a gray hair or many, you shave your head because you know the inevitable is going to happen, you gain a few you loose a couple and you walk into work with your head held high and then return home with an aching back and legs from getting your ass run to the ground.
I work at one of the local hospitals in town and see people come and go and always even for a short time I wonder about their lives, and I even ask sometimes because there seems to be a resemblance to someone that I once had known. Shooting the bull so to speak trying to lay at ease that they are in the hospital for something that might be minor up to a very serious surgery. We connect for some reason. On that note I will begin: Two years passed.
I find myself looking at patients in somewhat of a different manor. That of my father. Some of the patients that I have encountered over the past two years seems to parallel his health. I seem to glance into their eyes and see my father in their eyes staring back at me. The pain that I'm sure he was going through and knowing that this might be it.
I've kick myself in the ass everyday that he is gone. And wished he was still here. The love for that man that raised me up to the sun. My mind always seems to wind up here. I have not in the past year and a half visited his marker/grave. I promised that I would spread his ashes in my favorite spot and help my step mother with the rest of his ashes. I keep putting it off and I do not know why. Something deep inside of me just pulls me away from those commitments. I'm sure that there is something in my psyco self. I have not really grieved until now and really I think has been to long. I'm rambling err typing.
Two years have passed almost to the day that I walked into the ER, and stared at my father as he laid on the gurney lifeless, two years since I laid my hand on his forehead, two years since my last words to him were "Take care I love you", two years since he called and wanted me to come to the hospital and chat with him and help him walk around the nurses station, two years of my life that have passed by so damned fast that I cannot fathom, two years that we made plans for his funeral, two years that my kids gave a hug and a handshake to their grandfather, two years that I have grown up to be my father. I loved him even in the darkest of days between us.
This day I will grieve and remember him not as a patient but as a man, my father, my hero, my mentor, my friend, hunting partner, fishing buddy, and a friend that i will never come across again.
I love you, you are missed by many, your new daughter-in-law misses you and her father (hopefully you will meet him) and I promise that with in a year there will be a picture or video of the ashes that are scattered. Then you will be free to roam and sore with the black birds that pissed you off so much.
You are missed ........

Leland F. Sharpe

Friday, February 6, 2009

Kermit the Frog

Ahh yes Kermit the Frog. So many things are going through your mind right now. I'll clue you in.

Many years ago in the early 80's there was "The Muppet Show". I was an avid watcher. I would singing along with the tunes and laugh at all the jokes that were being said and done in the background. I had started down a road of an unusual thing. I started imitating the voices of many of the characters on the show. But one of my best impressions, is that of Kermit the Frog. I would break it out once in a while to amuse little ones that were around but that was it. Later in life I broke the voice out for my 2 boys and found another thing that I could imitate..... Elmo.


A full grown man that could do the Elmo voice was not really what people expected from me. We had purchased a Tickle Me Elmo figure for one of the boys and I could do an almost dead on imitation of him giggling and laughing with the high pitched voice. Yeah that's me.


More that a few times I would talk to people on the phone in the Kermit voice and do Elmo every now and then but didn't really have any use for it. Then the time came.....


I'm hooked on karaoke. I like to sing (not very well mind you) but it is a good stress release for me. A few beers and in my own mind I'm the greatest. Like we all think. We have fun and that's the point.


One night after a few too many I decided to sing "Puff the Magic Dragon" I started to sing it in my normal voice but a few lines into it I switched my voice to Kermit. The bar went dead silent as I sang. I had never experienced that before. People were listening to me sing. Ohh my god. I changed back to my normal voice and finished the song. If people were not already standing they stood up and well lets say I was embarrassed to say the least. I quickly sat down.

From then on I was known as Kermit around the small town I lived near. When I would go to the bar to sing there were more than a few people that would ask me to sing Puff the Magic Dragon and I would sing it and have fun with it. But the song that I knew that the D.J. had to get was Rainbow Connection. I would ask him to try and get it and he looked and looked, then the night came that he announced that he had a special treat. He called my name and I walked up and he started playing the song, my jaw dropped, but of course out came Kermit. I was on cloud nine. I finished and I think there might have been a tear in my eye. So from that day forward that was my song.

We went to another bar just down the road from us and they were having karaoke that night and low and behold they had Rainbow Connection. The D.J. there was an actual radio personality that I had listened to off and on. When I came up to sing it he was laughing because I had been the only one ever to request it. As I sang it the people in the bar would turn around and look and get a better view of who was singing. Yup it was me. On occasions at that particular bar they had a cafe off to the side and I would walk over to the cafe and see if there were any children. If there was I would walk up to the table and ask if the kids had heard of Kermit the Frog. If they said yes I would have the D.J. play it for me then I would sing it for the kids. As i looked into the cafe I would see the kids be surprised, light up at the familiar voice, and laugh as they heard Kermit. And the parents would then Begin to tell them that they knew who Kermit was. It was nice to give everyone a smile, and It still is.

On one occasion in the ER when I worked there I had to assist with a little one of about 2 years old. He had to get stitches and was really not being very cooperative. As I held the poor little guy down I started in on the Kermit voice and talking with the child, it was like hitting a light switch. He stopped crying and looked at me and smiled. The doctor had to stop because he started to laugh and the mother was shocked, but it all worked out.

Well in the near future I will post a sound clip for all to hear of one of the performances that was recorded. And remember kids....... "Some day we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers the dreamers and me..."

Sunday, February 1, 2009

R.I.P. Don McGuffin

Don McGuffin was taken yesterday to the world of beyond. May he sore with the eagles and walk again with angels and crochet with his mother again.
You see Don was married to my sister for a long time. 29 years of marriage would have come this year. Don lived life and experienced many things. And one thing we had in common was Janet.
Don was a welder, a mechanic, truck driver, heavy equipment operator and many other things. He liked to tinker and just be there in the mix. I didn't know Don as well as I should because of the distance that they lived but when we were together there was never a dull moment.
The reason that I'm this is that I am frustrated with the government system and the way that they have treated some of the veterans of conflicts and wars gone by.
Don served his country in Korea during the Vietnam war. He put in his time so to speak as well as so many others. But it seems that Don and so many others have slipped by never get all the help that they deserve. Don suffered from Parkinson's disease, nerve damage, and other undiagnosed things that were slowly taking him away. The red tape and the hoops that they had to endure was too great for the challenge of this man. Help came too late. They filled out paper work, more paper work, Don had tests (medical), paper work there, driving to and from this place and that place. More paper work. He even had a device in his brain that was placed to help with his Parkinson's. But it was to late.
There seems to be alot of this going on. Some are getting the help, and some that the help comes too late. I can see in Don's case that most of it came along later in life and was rapidly taking over his body. But that is no reason. The vets have served their country and the government has been slow to respond. The men and women that are coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan are they going to get the help they need later on in life or is the government going to be as slow for them as they were for Don ?
My dad refused to see anybody from the VA because he knew that it would be forever for something to be done. He has seen it in so many of his friends that he served with that have not really got all of the care that they deserve. Am I ranting, you be your sweet bippie.
I think the VA and the government need to take a long look at the men and women that have served this country in the past and get in touch with them and ask them. I'm sure that the answer would be similar to mine. That there needs to be a BIG change on how they are treated medically. There are so many program for the veterans out there that have helped with getting houses, jobs, loans, help with other things that they need, but medical is far at the bottom of the list. Health comes first I would think then the rest of it needs to fall into place.
Don will be missed by many MANY people. Friends from the race tracks where they worked and lived, the mine that he worked at, and many of the other lives that he crossed. He is a fallen Hero that the government let slip by.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Life Between Hell and Earth: Life with Jerry Part 2

Jerry, to me that is enough said. To others that have not experienced him/it I will go into a nice long discussion of him.
I do believe that there is a higher power / god and there is some other place we go besides six feet under. I do believe in the afterlife and have experienced it in one way or another. So this is a long short story of adventures of Me and Jerry.
I seem to have a guardian angel. One that has well in so many words that has well seemed to screw with me when I'm at my lowest and even seems to rain on my parade when life seems to be at its fullest. We meaning Jerry and I, seem to have an understanding. I don't mess with him and he f*cks with me every time he gets. Good relationship. Bugger.
Jerry started bearing his head a few years before my divorce. I was in motor accident one year when I rear ended a kid that was driving through town, It was related to a cell phone on my part. First lesson learned. Pay attention to the road came the word from Jerry.
Next was about a year later when I was in a head on collision with a school bus. (Small short bus) There were kids on the bus and I do not recall how many there were but there were enough. I was turning into a business that I was doing telephone work at. I drifted into the oncoming lane and well laws of motion and all the others came into effect. What did Jerry have to do with it.
1. On the way down to where I was going I had the sudden urge to test my speed dial to 911. It was newly installed at the community that I was living. Checked out.
2. I also used to not wear a seat belt. Even out on the highway. But again I had this urge I needed to put it on.
Soon after about 10 minutes later I was in the accident. I called into 911 and reported the accident and thank god/Jerry that I was wearing my seat belt. But the strange keeps getting stranger because when the smoke was still in the cab of the pickup there was a song playing in the tape deck " Loose Your Love" by The Outfield. But that's not the strange part. The tape that was in the deck was AC/DC. Jerry made his presence that day and later that day. I was being taken by ambulance to Big Horn County Memorial Hospital when about half way there the driver got a call and was turned around half way to Hardin and was notified that they were not taking patients and that I would have to go to the new IHS hospital in Crow. I had to spend the night at the hospital. I came out of the head on with just a dislocated big toe. The pickup on the other had was a total loss. I do remember the steering wheel was wrapped around the column from where I was holding onto it. Laws of motion are a bitch sometimes.

More of Jerry you say, sure here are more examples: Some of the big ones I remember. (There seems to be an auto theme going.)

1. After getting out of the mental hospital My mother, cousin, and I traveled to Kansas for about a week. The night we get there I went back out to the car to get something out of the car and that's all I remember. Next thing I knew I was being awoke by sounds of sirens and being shook. All I could really piece together was that the car door came back after opening and and caught me above the left eye and knocked me out. I received a nice cut and a shiner around the eye and a sore leg. Sleep deprivation, anxiety, ect.. Dunno. I was one sore guy after that.
2. I was served divorce papers on February 14th (yes that's right Valentine's Day. Laugh get it all out)

3. Car #2 (remember Car #1 head on collision) Transmission went out going up a hill (all wheel drive) Going to a Beginning Experience Meeting.

4. Car #3 Overheated and blew engine smoke and all that stuff. Going to another Beginning Experience meeting.

5. Car #4 Car fire on side of highway at 2 am after a night of drinking and singing.

6. Car #5 (Borrowed car) battery dies in drive through and have to push out of way.

7. Bus #1 Stalled onside of highway vapor locked

8. Same bus #2 Stalled coming out of Billings with patient.

9. Same bus #3 Stalled half way between Billings and Hardin with full load of patients and staff.
You think this would happen to someone else driving the bus? Nope just me and my friend Jerry.

10. Other small unmentionables that lead to cuts and scrapes.

11. Broke my hip flying a kite. (13 foot kite picked me up during a wind gust and well gravity is a bitch. My illiac crest cracked down the edge about 2 inches. Nothing could be done. It was the first time in my life that I had hips and it was only on one side.

12. Involved in a car accident (I was not driving) hit air bag which deflected me into the windshield and got very small gash on head. Was off work for 2-3 weeks because of my knee.

But the piece that I am about to mention happened at work about 3 months ago.

13. I was struck in the head by a patient with a remote telemetry box. Then 45 minutes later I was stabbed in my fat belly by the SAME PATENT mind you with a crucifix. Yes that's right you read it a crucifix.

As you see by my many examples that Jerry and I have a good relationship. Jerry was born to me to get me through life and to make me enjoy life and to live it to the fullest. Because one of these days Jerry might just decide he is tired of me and I will finally be left to live a boring uneventful life.

NOT !!!!!!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Listen little one I'm the dad !

I almost forgot about the boys being 2 years old. Then Morgan came along and it was a new start all over again to see the enjoyment and the grace of them as they welcome you at the door and trip on their shoes. LOL not funny. Well the time has come that the two's has arrived and well I cannot do a damn thing about it. Put up or shut up I guess. I've tried to put up with it and frankly the psycho child has twisted her head and voiced her "No's" to the limit to where I am arguing with her that she better not tell daddy no again or she'll get it. I can see it in her eyes that she will keep pushing me to the point of no return and then look at me again and laugh and say NO again. Humph ! so I shut up and leave her alone and do what ever she think is right until she cries then its daddy to the rescue. I wish I could re-live it over and over again. Oh that's right I do every hour of the day unless she is asleep then I'm sleeping waiting for the next round.
I do wish that when all my kids become a grown up and when they have kids of their own that they will enjoy this moment over and over again as I have raising the three of them. I would not change a thing. Except that the duct tape would be much closer.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Life Between Hell and Earth: Life with Jerry Part 1

A few years back in the year 2000 Lee was going through a ruff time in his life. He had depression, divorce, a restraining order, a week stay in a mental institution, a newly lost house, a boss that was an asshole, and the list multiplies by folds. That was hell.

The Deepest darkest hell was not being able to see my kids for just about a year except for supervised visits with the ex-mother in law. Trying to hold true as I got to see the pain of my kids wondering why they could not call or be with their dad for more than just a few hours. The pain that I had to go through just to call to set up a time to see the kids. the pain of wondering what was being told to them as I lay awake in bed. If there were lies and betrail going on. If they were being told that daddy was just an ass. I still have dreams of those days gone by and really wonder what was going on through out their little heads. I dearly missed them during this time but it was actually my time to rise above the bowls of hell that I was thrust upon and had to fight my way back to the surface of the deep dark depression that had snuck upon me.

I went to more counseling after I got out of the hospital. I was on three different meds that would put me into a state that made me function at a medium level. Between sadness and happiness I strolled through not as a zombie but just a bit more. A drone would be a good comparison.

I moved out of the lost house and moved into my dad's basement. Went to work and put up with a shit of a boss. And found time to myself for one day to spend with my kids for a couple of hours. Yes as to answer your question why didn't I spend more time with my kids? I do not know. I felt ashamed and beat down and a couple of hours was all that I could muster to be with my boys. I felt nervous and fearful that I would do the wrong thing and then would not be able to spend any time with them. I was scared and I was still in hell.

I started going to a group called Beginning Experience. Its main purpose was to help people going through a loss such as divorce, separation, and death. I felt that all three described me because death would had been an option, separation only prolonged it and it was still there and divorce was what I was going through. I attended the group setting for what seemed like years but it only lasted a few months. I would tell everyone that "I intend to come out the other end smelling like a rose." And I did. I realised that my life for the most part was what these other people were going through and that I was not the only one that was having problems such as I with depression and yes the group did a lot for me and I thank them all for the help that I got. After all I came out the other end like a rose. I could write and write about this and even wrote a poem about it. I will post it at a later time. I think this is where I was crawling out from the bowels of hell.

They say that your not to make to many changes while going through a divorce because it might come back and bite you in the ass. Well me being the person I am and sometimes likes to cut with the grain, I decided to change jobs where I was at. After a short time there I was told by a friend that if I found a job in Billings, I could stay with him until I found a place to live. Well long story short, I found a job in Billings and moved from my dads place with a small bit of stuff and went to my friends.

I can't remember the time line now but I do know that somewhere in there the divorce came up final. I got custody with the kids every other weekend and I was finally done with going back in forth with the court. The kids came to stay at Billings for the weekend and well I guess it went well other than the oldest wanting to go home about midnight. We called his mom and finally got him settled down. Separation anxiety was with him that night and many nights to come. I was nervous, biting my lips, and almost sick because here I was with my kids alone and didn't know what to do with them. Remember I hadn't got to see my kids for almost a year. They had gotten so big and more of a personality than I could remember. Each visit got a bit better.

I still miss out on everything it seems like baseball, football, swimming, and a few other activities. I make some of each and try to spend an equal amount of time at each event but the life of working nights and sometimes a screwy schedule can play havoc with things.

I feel sad because of the days missed and the bumps and bruises. I am happy though because they have turned out to be fine young boys and I hope that just because of my past fuck ups and wrong doings that they will become more of a man than I turned out to be.

((Continued) Life Between Hell and Earth: Life with Jerry Part 2)

Playing For Change "Stand By Me"



I like music. I listen to all kinds of music. If you have an open mind you can hear and feel the passion from the writer of the music. This particular video from U Tube I stumbled across as I perused the many music vids that they have there. I will have to find this DVD when it comes up for sale because I am very interested in this project. http://playingforchange.com This will take you to the site for more vids and more information on the production of this fabulous thing that has come to my attention. Musicians from all over the world took part in this particular video.

Laying down the rules of Lefts

I guess I should explain my nickname of "Lefts". Lefts is derived of my name. Pretty simple huh. Le = Lee F = Middle Initial S = Sharpe
Well now you say where does the "T" fall into place. Well to me LEFS looks to much like LEFSA and I'm not Norwegian so I thought about it for a short time and added the "T" to it to make it Lefts. But after a few years and a sister of Tonja said it. The "T" is for Tonja. Well we will let them think that. I have used this nick for many things and have made many of friends through chats and I hold their friendship deep within my heart. I will never forget them.

My First Blog (Not a blog virgin anymore)

Welcome to well ummm my first blog. I have many things that I would like to say and for the most part I would like to welcome you to my piece of cyber-space. Next I would like to thank Paul for giving me information on this site and would like to give a big hug from across the states and a firm hand shake.

Next, I guess I will thank my dad (RIP) for giving me his talent in writing and some of the wisdom that he passed on to me when going through some ruff times in the past. I might get into that later on if we are still here.

Next, I wish to thank all now that stopped by to see what the hell I'm doing here and I hope that you will find it in your time and surfing to maybe drop by for a visit and maybe drop a line or two.

And lastly I would like to thank my kids and Tonja for making my life full of events being good or bad that keeps my mind rolling through the gears., and to my friends and co-workers that put up with me and my simple minded ways that seem to get us all through the shift with a thought and a smile and even the occasional laugh.