Life Between Hell and Earth: Life with Jerry Part 2

Jerry, to me that is enough said. To others that have not experienced him/it I will go into a nice long discussion of him.
I do believe that there is a higher power / god and there is some other place we go besides six feet under. I do believe in the afterlife and have experienced it in one way or another. So this is a long short story of adventures of Me and Jerry.
I seem to have a guardian angel. One that has well in so many words that has well seemed to screw with me when I'm at my lowest and even seems to rain on my parade when life seems to be at its fullest. We meaning Jerry and I, seem to have an understanding. I don't mess with him and he f*cks with me every time he gets. Good relationship. Bugger.
Jerry started bearing his head a few years before my divorce. I was in motor accident one year when I rear ended a kid that was driving through town, It was related to a cell phone on my part. First lesson learned. Pay attention to the road came the word from Jerry.
Next was about a year later when I was in a head on collision with a school bus. (Small short bus) There were kids on the bus and I do not recall how many there were but there were enough. I was turning into a business that I was doing telephone work at. I drifted into the oncoming lane and well laws of motion and all the others came into effect. What did Jerry have to do with it.
1. On the way down to where I was going I had the sudden urge to test my speed dial to 911. It was newly installed at the community that I was living. Checked out.
2. I also used to not wear a seat belt. Even out on the highway. But again I had this urge I needed to put it on.
Soon after about 10 minutes later I was in the accident. I called into 911 and reported the accident and thank god/Jerry that I was wearing my seat belt. But the strange keeps getting stranger because when the smoke was still in the cab of the pickup there was a song playing in the tape deck " Loose Your Love" by The Outfield. But that's not the strange part. The tape that was in the deck was AC/DC. Jerry made his presence that day and later that day. I was being taken by ambulance to Big Horn County Memorial Hospital when about half way there the driver got a call and was turned around half way to Hardin and was notified that they were not taking patients and that I would have to go to the new IHS hospital in Crow. I had to spend the night at the hospital. I came out of the head on with just a dislocated big toe. The pickup on the other had was a total loss. I do remember the steering wheel was wrapped around the column from where I was holding onto it. Laws of motion are a bitch sometimes.

More of Jerry you say, sure here are more examples: Some of the big ones I remember. (There seems to be an auto theme going.)

1. After getting out of the mental hospital My mother, cousin, and I traveled to Kansas for about a week. The night we get there I went back out to the car to get something out of the car and that's all I remember. Next thing I knew I was being awoke by sounds of sirens and being shook. All I could really piece together was that the car door came back after opening and and caught me above the left eye and knocked me out. I received a nice cut and a shiner around the eye and a sore leg. Sleep deprivation, anxiety, ect.. Dunno. I was one sore guy after that.
2. I was served divorce papers on February 14th (yes that's right Valentine's Day. Laugh get it all out)

3. Car #2 (remember Car #1 head on collision) Transmission went out going up a hill (all wheel drive) Going to a Beginning Experience Meeting.

4. Car #3 Overheated and blew engine smoke and all that stuff. Going to another Beginning Experience meeting.

5. Car #4 Car fire on side of highway at 2 am after a night of drinking and singing.

6. Car #5 (Borrowed car) battery dies in drive through and have to push out of way.

7. Bus #1 Stalled onside of highway vapor locked

8. Same bus #2 Stalled coming out of Billings with patient.

9. Same bus #3 Stalled half way between Billings and Hardin with full load of patients and staff.
You think this would happen to someone else driving the bus? Nope just me and my friend Jerry.

10. Other small unmentionables that lead to cuts and scrapes.

11. Broke my hip flying a kite. (13 foot kite picked me up during a wind gust and well gravity is a bitch. My illiac crest cracked down the edge about 2 inches. Nothing could be done. It was the first time in my life that I had hips and it was only on one side.

12. Involved in a car accident (I was not driving) hit air bag which deflected me into the windshield and got very small gash on head. Was off work for 2-3 weeks because of my knee.

But the piece that I am about to mention happened at work about 3 months ago.

13. I was struck in the head by a patient with a remote telemetry box. Then 45 minutes later I was stabbed in my fat belly by the SAME PATENT mind you with a crucifix. Yes that's right you read it a crucifix.

As you see by my many examples that Jerry and I have a good relationship. Jerry was born to me to get me through life and to make me enjoy life and to live it to the fullest. Because one of these days Jerry might just decide he is tired of me and I will finally be left to live a boring uneventful life.

NOT !!!!!!

Listen little one I'm the dad !

I almost forgot about the boys being 2 years old. Then Morgan came along and it was a new start all over again to see the enjoyment and the grace of them as they welcome you at the door and trip on their shoes. LOL not funny. Well the time has come that the two's has arrived and well I cannot do a damn thing about it. Put up or shut up I guess. I've tried to put up with it and frankly the psycho child has twisted her head and voiced her "No's" to the limit to where I am arguing with her that she better not tell daddy no again or she'll get it. I can see it in her eyes that she will keep pushing me to the point of no return and then look at me again and laugh and say NO again. Humph ! so I shut up and leave her alone and do what ever she think is right until she cries then its daddy to the rescue. I wish I could re-live it over and over again. Oh that's right I do every hour of the day unless she is asleep then I'm sleeping waiting for the next round.
I do wish that when all my kids become a grown up and when they have kids of their own that they will enjoy this moment over and over again as I have raising the three of them. I would not change a thing. Except that the duct tape would be much closer.

Life Between Hell and Earth: Life with Jerry Part 1

A few years back in the year 2000 Lee was going through a ruff time in his life. He had depression, divorce, a restraining order, a week stay in a mental institution, a newly lost house, a boss that was an asshole, and the list multiplies by folds. That was hell.

The Deepest darkest hell was not being able to see my kids for just about a year except for supervised visits with the ex-mother in law. Trying to hold true as I got to see the pain of my kids wondering why they could not call or be with their dad for more than just a few hours. The pain that I had to go through just to call to set up a time to see the kids. the pain of wondering what was being told to them as I lay awake in bed. If there were lies and betrail going on. If they were being told that daddy was just an ass. I still have dreams of those days gone by and really wonder what was going on through out their little heads. I dearly missed them during this time but it was actually my time to rise above the bowls of hell that I was thrust upon and had to fight my way back to the surface of the deep dark depression that had snuck upon me.

I went to more counseling after I got out of the hospital. I was on three different meds that would put me into a state that made me function at a medium level. Between sadness and happiness I strolled through not as a zombie but just a bit more. A drone would be a good comparison.

I moved out of the lost house and moved into my dad's basement. Went to work and put up with a shit of a boss. And found time to myself for one day to spend with my kids for a couple of hours. Yes as to answer your question why didn't I spend more time with my kids? I do not know. I felt ashamed and beat down and a couple of hours was all that I could muster to be with my boys. I felt nervous and fearful that I would do the wrong thing and then would not be able to spend any time with them. I was scared and I was still in hell.

I started going to a group called Beginning Experience. Its main purpose was to help people going through a loss such as divorce, separation, and death. I felt that all three described me because death would had been an option, separation only prolonged it and it was still there and divorce was what I was going through. I attended the group setting for what seemed like years but it only lasted a few months. I would tell everyone that "I intend to come out the other end smelling like a rose." And I did. I realised that my life for the most part was what these other people were going through and that I was not the only one that was having problems such as I with depression and yes the group did a lot for me and I thank them all for the help that I got. After all I came out the other end like a rose. I could write and write about this and even wrote a poem about it. I will post it at a later time. I think this is where I was crawling out from the bowels of hell.

They say that your not to make to many changes while going through a divorce because it might come back and bite you in the ass. Well me being the person I am and sometimes likes to cut with the grain, I decided to change jobs where I was at. After a short time there I was told by a friend that if I found a job in Billings, I could stay with him until I found a place to live. Well long story short, I found a job in Billings and moved from my dads place with a small bit of stuff and went to my friends.

I can't remember the time line now but I do know that somewhere in there the divorce came up final. I got custody with the kids every other weekend and I was finally done with going back in forth with the court. The kids came to stay at Billings for the weekend and well I guess it went well other than the oldest wanting to go home about midnight. We called his mom and finally got him settled down. Separation anxiety was with him that night and many nights to come. I was nervous, biting my lips, and almost sick because here I was with my kids alone and didn't know what to do with them. Remember I hadn't got to see my kids for almost a year. They had gotten so big and more of a personality than I could remember. Each visit got a bit better.

I still miss out on everything it seems like baseball, football, swimming, and a few other activities. I make some of each and try to spend an equal amount of time at each event but the life of working nights and sometimes a screwy schedule can play havoc with things.

I feel sad because of the days missed and the bumps and bruises. I am happy though because they have turned out to be fine young boys and I hope that just because of my past fuck ups and wrong doings that they will become more of a man than I turned out to be.

((Continued) Life Between Hell and Earth: Life with Jerry Part 2)

Playing For Change "Stand By Me"

I like music. I listen to all kinds of music. If you have an open mind you can hear and feel the passion from the writer of the music. This particular video from U Tube I stumbled across as I perused the many music vids that they have there. I will have to find this DVD when it comes up for sale because I am very interested in this project. http://playingforchange.com This will take you to the site for more vids and more information on the production of this fabulous thing that has come to my attention. Musicians from all over the world took part in this particular video.

Laying down the rules of Lefts

I guess I should explain my nickname of "Lefts". Lefts is derived of my name. Pretty simple huh. Le = Lee F = Middle Initial S = Sharpe
Well now you say where does the "T" fall into place. Well to me LEFS looks to much like LEFSA and I'm not Norwegian so I thought about it for a short time and added the "T" to it to make it Lefts. But after a few years and a sister of Tonja said it. The "T" is for Tonja. Well we will let them think that. I have used this nick for many things and have made many of friends through chats and I hold their friendship deep within my heart. I will never forget them.

My First Blog (Not a blog virgin anymore)

Welcome to well ummm my first blog. I have many things that I would like to say and for the most part I would like to welcome you to my piece of cyber-space. Next I would like to thank Paul for giving me information on this site and would like to give a big hug from across the states and a firm hand shake.

Next, I guess I will thank my dad (RIP) for giving me his talent in writing and some of the wisdom that he passed on to me when going through some ruff times in the past. I might get into that later on if we are still here.

Next, I wish to thank all now that stopped by to see what the hell I'm doing here and I hope that you will find it in your time and surfing to maybe drop by for a visit and maybe drop a line or two.

And lastly I would like to thank my kids and Tonja for making my life full of events being good or bad that keeps my mind rolling through the gears., and to my friends and co-workers that put up with me and my simple minded ways that seem to get us all through the shift with a thought and a smile and even the occasional laugh.